Saturday, January 30, 2010
Good morning!
Woooo I totally haven't been doing anything to this blog at all.
Coz I've been totally busy, totally tired and LAZY!
I even thought of closing down this blog, but then all I can think is all the posts that have been there for years.
So i just leave it like that. The blog is open but not updated at all.
Last time I updated was September 2009.
It has been forever.
Alright alright, I will make it point to update my blog okay.
But don't blame me if I go hiatus again. Not my fault.
There are just too many distractions.
Woooo I totally haven't been doing anything to this blog at all.
Coz I've been totally busy, totally tired and LAZY!
I even thought of closing down this blog, but then all I can think is all the posts that have been there for years.
So i just leave it like that. The blog is open but not updated at all.
Last time I updated was September 2009.
It has been forever.
Alright alright, I will make it point to update my blog okay.
But don't blame me if I go hiatus again. Not my fault.
There are just too many distractions.
what we could have been, 10:25 AM.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Mothers have historically fulfilled the primary role in raising children. Mothers are more likely than fathers to encourage assimilative and communion-enhancing patterns in their children. Mothers are more likely than fathers to acknowledge their children's contributions in conversation. The way mothers speak to their children is better suited to support very young children in their efforts to understand speech than fathers.
Thats the definition of a mother. The social role of a mother. (taken from wikipedia.org)
So does my mother fits that? I don't know...
The only time she really listens to me is when she found out about my disability.
Yes... that time.
Why isn't she someone I can share secrets with?
Why can't I talk about boys with her?
Why is she like that in the first place?
Her respond is always the same...
No piece of encouragement...
Everytime I have a problem, why can't I tell her?
Coz I know it will be useless. She doesn't listen.
Thats the definition of a mother. The social role of a mother. (taken from wikipedia.org)
So does my mother fits that? I don't know...
The only time she really listens to me is when she found out about my disability.
Yes... that time.
Why isn't she someone I can share secrets with?
Why can't I talk about boys with her?
Why is she like that in the first place?
Her respond is always the same...
No piece of encouragement...
Everytime I have a problem, why can't I tell her?
Coz I know it will be useless. She doesn't listen.
Labels: exchange programmes anyone...
what we could have been, 3:33 AM.
Have I told you how pathetic my Hari Raya is?
Damn pathetic.
I haven’t worn the baju kurung at all.
Not once. So the first time I’m going to wear it is when I go out with my friends for jalan raya that if it is confirmed. Haish…
I hate everyone.
I hate everything.
I hate this month.
The reason that I told my friends why I don’t go out for Raya is freaking lame.
“Oh my grandfather passed away this year, so everyone’s not celebrating.”
What a big lie sia!!
The real reason?
Ibu severe ties with her siblings, personal problems.
That even us the kids are involved.
What did we do wrong? Err… nothing!!!!
I don’t want this life anymore.
I don’t look forward to going home after work.
I don’t look forward to any occasions because I know nothing is going to happen at all.
I just don’t look forward to anything at all.
Damn pathetic.
I haven’t worn the baju kurung at all.
Not once. So the first time I’m going to wear it is when I go out with my friends for jalan raya that if it is confirmed. Haish…
I hate everyone.
I hate everything.
I hate this month.
The reason that I told my friends why I don’t go out for Raya is freaking lame.
“Oh my grandfather passed away this year, so everyone’s not celebrating.”
What a big lie sia!!
The real reason?
Ibu severe ties with her siblings, personal problems.
That even us the kids are involved.
What did we do wrong? Err… nothing!!!!
I don’t want this life anymore.
I don’t look forward to going home after work.
I don’t look forward to any occasions because I know nothing is going to happen at all.
I just don’t look forward to anything at all.
“WELCOME TO MY FCUKED UP LIFE…”
You see me smiling on the outside but actually I'm falling apart...
... slowly. very slowly...
what we could have been, 3:20 AM.
Miss me? Haha.
Right now, I have no mood to joke around. Why?
Because my family is officially a fucked up one. Can’t believe I’m saying this but I can’t keep it anymore. I screamed at Ibu just now. I just let it out. All the months that I think I can be there and support Ibu all the way is too much for me to handle.
Come on lah.
Dear Ibu,
Right now, I have no mood to joke around. Why?
Because my family is officially a fucked up one. Can’t believe I’m saying this but I can’t keep it anymore. I screamed at Ibu just now. I just let it out. All the months that I think I can be there and support Ibu all the way is too much for me to handle.
Come on lah.
Dear Ibu,
I’m so sorry for yelling at you and ayah during dinner. But it’s too much. You always talk about Abang; it has always been his name coming out of your mouth ever since he moved out. But why do I get the feeling that you really miss him? I mean what parents doesn’t love their child right? But why do always say that you hate him? It’s not that I’m supporting him. I just had enough. Have you ever thought about my feelings? Every single time I hear his name from your mouth… what about mine? What about Ancik’s? Have you ever talked to Ancik about me? Have you ever talked about Ancik to me? It has always been Abang. And I know you don’t want to admit that you are always thinking about Abang every single minute/second.
Do you know that Ancik is trying his very best to get this fucking family back to normal? I just can’t wait until Abang is just gone. Because right now the thing that is making this family crash is Abang. Him and all his problems.
Ibu, I’m still young. Let me enjoy my share of joy. I don’t want to think too much. Every time I go home, only to hear you talk about him. Ibu and Ayah the same! You guys say all the bad things about him from years ago… you guys keep bringing up the past.
Ibu, you always remind me that I’m lucky to be this family but… most of the time… I kind of regret being here. Yes, we do have money… sufficient to keep our stomach full. Yes, we have food. Yes, we have the necessities. Yes yes yes. Always say that no wonder my friends like to come to my house.
But the thing is they do not know how life can be in this family.
No, to the unity in this family. What happened to the times we used to camp beside the beach as one family? This is just crap.
Ergh! How I wish I can tell this to someone who understands this…
Do you know that Ancik is trying his very best to get this fucking family back to normal? I just can’t wait until Abang is just gone. Because right now the thing that is making this family crash is Abang. Him and all his problems.
Ibu, I’m still young. Let me enjoy my share of joy. I don’t want to think too much. Every time I go home, only to hear you talk about him. Ibu and Ayah the same! You guys say all the bad things about him from years ago… you guys keep bringing up the past.
Ibu, you always remind me that I’m lucky to be this family but… most of the time… I kind of regret being here. Yes, we do have money… sufficient to keep our stomach full. Yes, we have food. Yes, we have the necessities. Yes yes yes. Always say that no wonder my friends like to come to my house.
But the thing is they do not know how life can be in this family.
No, to the unity in this family. What happened to the times we used to camp beside the beach as one family? This is just crap.
Ergh! How I wish I can tell this to someone who understands this…
Labels: anyone wants an exchange...
what we could have been, 3:00 AM.
